Fall brings change, beautiful blue skys, dazzling trees, the crunch of leaves. It’s usually cold, a welcomed change. It brings new beginnings, fresh starts, new friends, new books, new surroundings.
In our house, it meant school. With that it brought agnst, anxiety, fear, tears, meltdowns, communication logs, notes, phone calls and the count down till labor day, Christmas break.
Change is usually a thorn in his side. His diagnosis, thrives on routine. Routine aides him in regulating his emotions and body.
It is supposed to be a sort of protection from the outside world.
Getting his haircut, shaving, moving the furniture in the living room, buying new clothes. All were questioned, “why do you have to change everything” it’s fine the way it is.
Vivid memories of cleaning a room full of legos all over the floor, putting everything away, only to find he dumped everything out again. Lined everything in up in “his perfect order” that is a mess to me. He would even lock his door so I couldn’t come in to clean it.
Change was not welcomed.
Even going to store, we had to walk down the aisle the same way, or there were tears. We had to buy the same things, or there were tears. We had to have perfect order and predictability at every turn.
Perfect Order allowed us run smoothly, I say us because a change could disrupt the whole family from leaving the house.
If he had a a meltdown, we all changed. Same breakfast, same lunch, same dinner. same tv show, same routine. He never wore a watch or checked his phone, it was an internal clock. Year after year.
Even a new car. Why?
College, a huge change. Nothing is the same. Room he has never seen, bed he has never slept in, noises, sounds, all new people. It was also his decision. Was it an internal clock, letting him know it’s time.
This change, is bringing out my dependency on his perfect order. Relying on his routine knowing his day would run smoothly.
I am sure he is sacrificing his comfort to fulfill his curiosity. I am sure he is sacraficing his comfort, to find his place in the world. I am sure he is sacrafing his comfort, to find acceptance amongst his peers.
Will the 1 3/4 miles seem too far? 4 minute drive and a 9 minute walk according to Google. It seems further. It seems longer.
Watching him change in front of us….. just like the trees.